Today in Glenmoore 1-27-11

Greetings from Glenmoore
Big news over the past few days is snow.  Here are a few shots for you folks in the south who don't remember what 15" of snow looks like.

Check out those drifts on the roof, they're almost three feet high.

By the way, no sign of the donkey's in the snow.  Must be some cold asses out in that pasture.  Luckily the farmer has a little donkey hut for them.

Laurie
What can I say other than "Two down and four to go".  Laurie is doing great, motoring around the house.  OT and PT in-home.  Best news was that the OT said folding laundry and doing the dishes is good therapy for her motor skills.

Hoping to cruise through this cycle.  New CT scans on Valentines day before treatment number 3.  I've requested red contrast dye in honor of the hallmark holiday.  Also we head to Baltimore to meet with the "Guru" in the coming weeks.  We're hoping to make a bit of a getaway out of the consult and  enjoy the inner harbor.

8 Little Words
Who would have thought that those eight little words we mocked in college would some day come back to haunt us.  I can remember sitting in our apartment at Penn State just mocking those ads with someone saying "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up".  Now they are closer to home.

Oh, you think I'm talking about Laurie - hell no.  I'm talking about me.  The other night Murph came over for one of our regular gin nights.  We sit, drink wine and usually I take his money playing knock gin rummy.  This week he won (it was a donkey kicking).  After a bottle of wine we decided to break out the Ron Zocapo 23 year old rum - and proceeded to drink half the bottle.

After Murph left I was stumbling around the house thinking, what the heck do I do if I fall and can't get up.  Laurie isn't going to be able to help me -  she has been asleep for hours anyway (I could hear that low rumble from the bedroom).   I immediately got online the next day and started researching Med Alert bracelets - for me.

Did you know that you can program who they call depending on the situation?  It's a shame that the PA State Liquor Stores don't deliver.  "Yes, I've fallen, could you send over another bottle of Kettle One so I don't remember it tomorrow, back door is open".

One Last Thing
OK, I just can't let this one pass.  As many of you know Anika is getting ready for her third child.  I suppose at a certain age you don't have "baby showers".  There is this new thing called a "Sprinkle Shower".  So Laurie and Kim are throwing one of these Sprinkle Showers for Anika.

I'm sorry, but every time I hear this I think Tinkle Shower (in honor of my mother who couldn't say "pee").  And from Tinkle Shower, where do you go next???  If you don't get there, you wouldn't get the joke anyway.  It may say something about my friends, but they all take this to the logical conclusion.

Today's Quote

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is”

Francis Bacon

Today in Glenmoore 1-23-11

Well, I assume that we need to lead with the big news.  In the words of Elton John – “The bitch is back, Stone cold sober as a matter of fact”.  Sometimes I crack myself up and hopefully I haven’t offended all of you with that lead J.

Laurie

Yes it’s true, the Eagle landed yesterday at approximately 11:15 and is doing remarkably well.  Motoring all over the house on her own and anxious to do things that she shouldn’t be.  I finally got Ms. Laurie to agree to just work on getting around the house for a few days and not tackling things like scrubbing toilets, floors, vacuuming.  I mean really, she didn’t do any of that before the strokes so why should she start now.  And what I thought was a plot between her and her therapist appears to be true - she truly can’t fold laundry (or I’m being played as a fool).  I should note that zip up hoodies also appear to be a challenge – but one that resulted in us laughing hysterically this AM.  It would make a fabulous video but I don’t think she’ll let me do it.

Laurie is loving being home, having the freedom to walk around when she wants, having me wait on her and napping on demand.  She’s a bit tired from getting around, but when you think about it, being at home is like constant PT and OT.  She is getting up and down steps well with me around, and using the chair lift when she is tired.

The home nurses come today to check on her BP and make sure that she is doing OK.  I think the plan will be for in-home OT/PT for a couple of weeks or months (we should know better after today).  Not sure how long the visiting nurses will be coming.

I did have a funny interaction with her neurologist.  Laurie’s normal BP is one we all would probably die for – 100/60.  One of her medications has a side effect of low BP.  I contacted him and his response was – have her drink plenty of water and don’t skimp on the salt.  Laurie said she has been waiting her whole life for someone to tell her to eat more chips.

Weather

Well, unless you’re a shut in you’ve probably heard that it’s cold everywhere.  Yesterday it was 6 when I woke up.  Today was a balmy 12.  Tomorrow AM supposed to be the coldest night of the year with snow coming on Wednesday (when we have our first community excursion to HUP for the next treatment).

Some of you early subscribers may remember me referencing a Philly phrase about being cold enough to freeze the (BLANK) off the William Penn statue  in Center City.  Well in fact 4 people were seriously injured yesterday morning while walking around the building.  An eyewitness stated it looked like the were hit with a huge frozen you know what.

Quote

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." 
Rodney Dangerfield.

Today in Glenmoore 1-20-11 (Photo Contest Winners)

We did receive a number of viable captions for our first photo contest.  Photo is attached below in case you forgot.

I should note that some were not officially captions but deserve honorable mention…

Submitted by Cindy D – “I'm sorry which ass are we supposed to write the caption about? The one on the scarf or the one wearing the scarf?”

Submitted by Steve L – well, it would take a whole page to repost his entry, but it had something to do with maps, rifle scopes and certain areas of the country.

Our winners are…

First Place – Mike F - “Wait, Wait!  Let me write that on my hand!  How many ‘c’s in donkey? “

A very close Second Place – Anne S – “This thing is choking me, I’m being ass-phyxiated”

Third Place – Willy M – “This picture violates the ‘too many asses rule’.

Thanks for all your submissions.  I’m truly disappointed by the Fox News watchers on the distribution list who refused to enter this context.  And my wife will be totally PO’ed at me for not picking her entry.  In reality, it was more of a political discourse on the 2012 election which simple isn’t funny – scary, but not that funny.

Laurie Update

What can I say.  Today she strolled around Bryn Mawr Rehab with her cane (first and third floor) and conquered a full flight of stairs up and down by herself.  This afternoon she is swimming.  She is in a for a rude awakening on Saturday when she gets home.  Aqua therapy in the tub just doesn’t cut it.

And she is getting to be as demanding as ever.  I’m now getting at least 4 special requests a day.  Do you believe she had the audacity to ask me to make sure I bring in a set of earrings for her release and ride home?  I looked at her and simply said “NO”.  I mean really, does she think we’re going to swing into the Drafting Room on the way home for a Turkey Burger and a few cold ones.

Today’s Quote

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things”

George Carlin

I should note that Today in Glenmoore will be published less frequently once Laurie gets home.  I simply will be too busy waiting hand and foot on the princess, or possibly choking her with a pillow.

Today in Glenmoore 1-19-11

Editors Note:  Some readers have requested that we don’t “reply all” when commenting.  In fact we have both staunch democrats and republicans reading the newsletter (Hard to believe I know).  But seriously some folks are getting bombarded with this rubbish which I so enjoy – so select the folks you know when replying.  Thanks – Ed Eyetore.

Donkey Update:

The donkey saga is now officially over.  But I was happy to see my friend Mark starting a new donkey thread on his facebook page. 

Laurie

What can I say.  She is kicking butt in rehab and ready to get home this Saturday.  Three more nights in the big house.

And, she is getting downright cranky.  If her mood doesn’t improve by the time she gets home I’m going in for elective double hip replacement. 

News from Glenmoore

Big news yesterday was the ice storm.  Here are links to two videos from the Strasser flock feeder.  Even the birds were cracking up after reading the last TIG.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUMRHd_OpzQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8RbeuRH034

Todays Quote:

A joke is a very serious thing. 
Winston Churchill 

First Ever TIG Contest

This picture is dying for a donkey related caption – and yes, they are donkeys on her scarf.   Please submit your captions to this to the editor of TIG.  Winners will be published after I received at least two submissions.

Be warned, liberal points of view get bonus points.

today in Glenmoore 1-17-11

The Donkey Saga continues….

Bob Schriver swears that our investigative reporter has a serious drinking problem.  According to Bob, a donkey death did occur last summer but was quickly replaced.    Bob submitted this picture which was taken shortly after the donkey’s demise. So to close out this story – Farmer Ted had already buried his ass.

Laurie

Making incredible progress daily.  I was given a pass to not only walk Laurie to the water closet, but also to roam the halls looking for trouble.  We found it.  I was accosted by the Hall monitor for walking Laurie without a  SPC (that would be single point cane).  She did fine but our strolls will now be with a cane otherwise our hallway pass will be revoked.

Countdown

Magic number is down to 6.  Modifications to the house underway and most should be completed by Friday.  Laurie is filling out her meal wish list for arrival home.  Pasta on the menu for Saturday followed by roast chicken on Sunday (not to mention poached eggs Sunday AM).  After four weeks in the hospital I think she has been spoiled by this menu service.

Today’s Quote

Submitted by one of our readers – and this has become Laurie’s motto!

“No day is so bad that it can't be made better with a nap.”

Carrie Snow

Today in Glenmoore 1-15-11

We interrupt our normal newsletter for two important news updates…

Breaking News 1

Today while walking back from the mailbox I did in fact witness two donkey’s in Farmer Ted’s field.   An investigative report for TIG confirmed that the misprint was just a bad case of whisper down the lane (which is ironic since the lane doesn’t have too many houses on it).  What was initially reported by Uncle Bob as the death of the donkey was actually a case of Farmer Ted’s “gas passing” and not “ass passing”.  Needless to say we are all relieved to not have to sing Domenic the Donkey at the funeral for the ass.

Breaking News 2

The streak is over.  After 13 consecutive laundry days and a late happy hour at the Mac’s I was unable to continue the streak.  However, I will make that up this morning with 5 loads (who knew that delicates could be so challenging and time consuming).

Laurie

In all honesty she is getting to be quite boring, making progress every day, walking, complaining about her roommate, getting in bed at 6:30, blah, blah, blah.

Countdown – 7 more nights in prison and then Laurie returns home.

Today’s Quote

First, not one of you noticed that the editor forgot to include a quote in the last newsletter.  I’m not sure if it’s because you’re not paying attention or running to the bathroom by the end of these notes.  So today you get a bonus quote.

“Good humor is one of the preservatives of our peace and tranquility”

Thomas Jefferson

“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to *** (have sex)”

George Carlin

Today in Glenmoore 1-13-11

Before we get started we have a message from the editor…

1)      TIG is a non-profit newsletter and while many of you are desiring daily updates it isn’t going to happen.  First, there just isn’t that much happening in Glenmoore – However, farmer Ted is down to one ass since his other Donkey died recently (you can’t make this up).

2)      Second, the Feds  and Stainmaster folks have asked me to provide a warning to our Pregnant readers  - please empty your bladder before reading or your Stainmaster warranty on your couch and rugs will be terminated.

Weather

As they say in Philly, cold enough to freeze the you know whats off of William Penn (the statue atop our City Hall).  Our recent snow storm was a dud – only 3-4 inches in Glenmoore.  But it remains cold.  Hopefully our northern subscribers didn’t injure any backs while shoveling out of the deluge.

Laurie

Today was spousal training – just the name makes most men quiver in their boots.  Laurie decided to show off today and walked around the hall with no assistance (only a therapist safety net).  This was due to her new orthotics.  Now I imagine that some of you are thinking – how do oral braces help her walk.  Don’t be alarmed – you are merely confusing orthotics (show inserts) with orthodontics.  I should note that this is a common problem among Yankees fans and folks living in the deepest woods of West Virginia and Tennessee.

She also walked up and down 8 steps without assistance (obviously those inserts in her shoes are working).  And she has been given clearance to walk back and forth to the bathroom when she is wearing these miracle devices.  Major improvement.

After discussion with “da team”, we’ve decided to go ahead and put in the chair lift on the back stairs.  Laurie should probably be able to go up and down once a day, but more than that will be tough especially during her treatments.  Working on getting estimates.  Family rides will be charged at $10 per ride (unless you have an official blue handicap sticker).

Finally, official discharge date is Saturday 1/22 around 10:00.

Paul

Spent the afternoon educating myself about the world of DME (that would be Durable Medical Equipment for you newbies).  Never realized it could be so darn complicated.  I should have it sorted out by next Saturday.

That’s all for now, need to get back to my grab bars, toilet seat extenders and shower chairs – woohoo!

Paul

Today in Glenmoore 1-11-11

Well, another fine day back at the farm.  Morning temperatures of 18 degrees – red sky in the morning – sailors take warning.  Snow coming in shortly.

Given the recent snow cover we’re glad to be feeding the deer with all of our wonderful landscaping.  They are not afraid to munch right up to the house.  With Laurie at the hospital I can work on my au natural deer repellant strategy.  Last night had some friends over to watch the Auburn game and they joined in the effort.

Laurie

Laurie continues to make progress every day.  Highlight of yesterday was the conquest of tying a bow.  She is pleased as punch to outpace Sofia on this task.  On a more onerous task she also got herself out of the chair, pivoted and got into bed on her own.  Huge accomplishment.  Today Laurie goes swimming – floaties are probably in order.

All the appointments have been set in stone as I spent another day hording 8 doctors.  It’s sort of like walking in a huge sandbox barefoot and trying to get all the cats out at once.  Next treatment 1/26, appointment with Alexander in Baltimore 2/11 (we are going to head down the night before and spend the night in the inner harbor since the appointment is 8:00 AM), follow up with Neuro team on 3/3.

Laurie is returning to her normal frame of mind since both Anika and I have noticed she is starting to complain about everything (including how I fold her laundry) and counting the days until she gets out.

Paul’s Spirits

My spirits situation has improved dramatically.  After a quick stop at the liquor store yesterday Kettle One withdrawal symptoms were cured.  Luckily a nice bottle of Ron Zocapo 23 year old rum got me through the night before.

Today’s Quote

Humor is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them.

Lewis Mumford (1895 - 1990)

Today in Glenmoore 1-9-11

OK, to make my life easier I’m going to send out a periodic family update (as opposed to the individual groups).  So if you’re on this list you’re family - although some of you had no choice in selecting your family (that is, you woke up one day and said “what have I been born into”) while others actually chose to become part of this family (what were Chris F, David C, Uncle P/Steve and Chris D thinking???)

Some of you liked the weather report from the other day.  So this AM it was 17 degrees in Glenmoore at 7 AM rising to a high of 30.  More snow expected on Tuesday.  Weather at kick-off for the big game today will be 27 degrees and windy.  I looked to see what time the Giants were playing and realized they weren’t.  Then I remembered that last Eagles Giants game – how silly of me to forget.

Here are the key highlights of the newsletter…

Laurie

Laurie is making progress every day.  Yesterday I noticed she is having much better control of her left hand and using it more and more.  Also, we spent most of the afternoon out of the room either hanging in the cafeteria or looking at the art on the walls of the facility (big art show this weekend).  Also had visitors as well.

Estimated departure date from BMRH is Friday 1/21.  Next treatment going to be 1/25.  Appointment with Dr. Alexander at the University of MD expected to be Friday 2/11 (spoke to the office on Friday and need to confirm tomorrow).

Laurie’s Spirits

Very Good.  Best part was her response to psychologist who was suggesting that she may be depressed and should take anti-depressants.  “Listen, I have a rare cancer that no knows anything about and I just had my third stroke, you can’t expect me to be chipper all of the time (you bloody twit)”.    She enjoyed her day off of rehab yesterday but has a full schedule today.

Paul’s Spirits

Generally not so good.  Noticed I was running low on Kettle One last night.  Luckily I have enough bourbon and rum to get me through to the next vodka run.  Expect my spirits situation to be better in the next day or so.

Today’s Quote

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”  (Mark Twain)